Tantra 101

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“Why can’t I relax? He’s handsome, he is SOO into me AND he’s a doctor. Just enjoy it!”- My inner monologue as my lover licks the inside of my thigh.

I was so tired of over analyzing relationships and clenching my way through encounters.
I’ll admit, I found tantra because I wanted to have sex again after a passionless relationship and a lack of self-confidence. What I thought was a practice of how to be good at sex, turned out to be a practice of how to become more myself and feel really good in life.

Tantra historically is rooted in Bhuddist and Hindu practices, but can be traced back to ancient Babylon and Egypt. In India specifically, the Europeans coined the term “tantra” as a religious set of rituals. Where in the true culture and nature, tantra simply means “to weave”.

Tantra means many things to different people, just like any yoga or meditation practice. I have spoken and read so many traditional opinions on tantra, but it doesn’t mean I have to follow their path. I will give you my experiences and perception as a Tantra teacher, a coach, and a modern woman.

I didn’t know I was studying tantra until I was completely immersed. I would be drawn to a specific meditation or writer online and eat up everything they produced. I then started following Psalm Isadora. She scared me to death, but she was the embodiment of what I wanted.
She was shameless, confident, sexy and was not a people pleaser.
The opposite of how I felt at the time.
I have boiled my most profound tantric awakenings to 4 ideas.

  1. Sexual energy is our most powerful force and we can tap into it at any time.

It all starts with intention. Tantra is about life force, our energy. It’s the idea that I can tap into my sexual energy and use that endless vitality in my life. I can use this harnessed power to enhance my love life, have amazing sex but to also have a healthy body, a stimulating career along with deep intimacy and connection with myself. I can heal the darkest parts of myself and separate my fears.

  1. Slow Down.

Foreplay is key, but not just with sex. When you stop to eat a meal: Do you smell it? Take in the colors and shapes and properly let yourself relax, before you intake? Go so slow that your mouth waters, your body begins to anticipate and crave what you’re about to give it. Everything is sex. Breathing, eating, dancing- it’s all fucking with the molecules around us. Lean into that. Let everything you do, be done in pleasure. And the slower you go, the better it is.

  1. Desires are good.

The things that light us up lead us to our purpose and our joy. I have learned that my desires are divine genius. If there is something that I truly want, it’s going to bring me closer to my truer self. We are inundated with roles and messages as women. How to dress, what to want, how to act. Tantra strips you back to the girl before she took on all the titles of “Good girl”, “Bitch”, “Responsible employee”, “Martyr” or “Sweet girl”. Tantra removes shame and guilt from our bodies and most importantly, from our desires. The big, big dreams or maybe just the silly inclination that makes us giggle. Follow that pull.

  1. Your body is intelligent.

We live in a world from the neck up. We overemphasize our thoughts and forget about our bodies. Eventually, our bodies become numb to pleasure. Then pain pops up, begging for our attention. You see, pleasure provides us with so much healing. I view tantra as a healing modality to the disconnection we experience with our bodies, our families, and in our relationships. Science has proven time and time again that tantra/orgasms are good for your health. When we are flooded with oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin (naturally) we sleep better, we eat better, we think better and are overall happier and connected.

Through breath work, meditation, intention, and orgasmic yoga I began to unlock my emotions and my body. I was no longer afraid to look at myself in the mirror. I didn’t need alcohol to dance or flirt. I could stand up to people and use my voice.
In our culture we are obsessed with sex, but repelled by intimacy it’s so easy to disconnect. Tantra is a bridge back to health, back to pleasure and authentic intimacy. You can begin to integrate tantra into your everyday life by taking intentional deep breaths, slowing down and being aware of the sensations in your body and speaking up for your desires.

 

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