I’ve spent today doing my favorite things: dancing, painting, writing and flirting.
One man in particular sparked my interest on a dating app: “I am a Dom looking for a serious relationship with a Sub.”
Of course I swiped. I’m always ready to learn something new.
Then he asked the question: “What are your no’s?”
I have an entire list of desires and qualities, but where do my boundaries lie?
How can I continue loving myself even if I disappoint others?
I was stumped. I thought I was so open to trying and exploring, and in that moment I realized that I need to set boundaries in and out of a relationship.
I’m really good at saying no to myself. What are my no’s to other people?
After a deep meditation and a run along the Hudson, I came up with a pretty solid list:
I say no to:
Potential. I can either be with the person you show me today, or not.
Settling. There’s no reason I cannot have a glamorous life and relationship.
Shame. It’s a dangerous weapon. I’ve worked hard to be myself.
Comfort. Comfort doesn’t help me grow.
Expectations. I promise to be present and see what happens in each moment.
Not being chosen. Ask me on a date. Call me on the phone. Put in the effort and I will worship you. But no more devotion without me being chosen as well.
The Dom is not my type, but his direct questions had me thinking of my “no’s”. Then I realized he meant sexually. See? I don’t follow directions well. Maybe not the best Sub.