For me, freedom is being able to act on my curiosity.
I realize how much my body holds on to fear and judgment. I’m waiting for a man to control my life because I can’t take care of myself. I’m waiting for a man to take the reins, talk down to me and put me in my place. The words my dad said to me when I announced my engagement ring back to me and slice through my body “You finally found someone that will put up with you. Better hold on to him.”
Well. I reject this. I am opening my heart to a new, scary love. An unknown love. Something different and bright. I will give back this love. I’m opening my gates, my heart, my body, and quieting my mind.
I am not doing this because it’s the 4th of July or a new moon. I am shedding my skin because it is time.
This declaration is me removing roles and pressure and experiences that are not me. There is a lot of judgement around my life, people pushing what they think I should do or be. I thank you for your input, but this is my life. I would be insane not to trust myself. If I fail, every day I am learning to fail faster and move on.
It starts with being really honest. Ugly honest. Scary honest.
Each of these roles holds a story or a person. They no longer serve me.
I am not a caregiver, a daughter or a victim.
I am not a boss, fighter or party girl.
I am not the artsy girl.
I am not an intellectual, a nerd, a servant.
When all of these roles go away and I decide in each moment what makes me happy, what’s uncomfortable, what lights me up- That.
That is me.
I am not a writer or a healer or an artist.
I am all of these things and none of them. My life can take a new road tomorrow. If it feels right, I will jump in. What I should do or what is expected of me, be damned.
I am living and breathing. Change is natural. It is success.
I will not spend another breath on someone else’s expectations. Or even my own.